No One Can Abuse You Unless You Are Weak Part 2

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I mentioned a couple of weeks ago in No One Can Abuse You Unless You Are Weak Part 1 that I would write about how I have learned how to deal with selfish and narcissistic people in my personal life .  These tactics will be obvious to some of you.  If you’re a bit of an expert and have extra tips with regard to this topic, I hope you’ll leave them below.  My tips are listed in no particular order.

  • Humanize the abuser-try to see any signs of good character in the person.  Usually there’s something.  Some are at least kind to their own family.  That’s something.  Some are kind to their pets.  You get the idea.  Another way to see the narcissists/selfish people as human is to realize that most abusers have been abused by someone in the past.  I’ve noticed that many of them had/have at least one alcoholic parent.  One reason you want to humanize the person is it remind you they aren’t some kind of old testament god that can/will destroy you.  They are actually very emotionally weak.  When you see them as they really are, you lose some of your fear of them and you learn what makes them tick.  What I found is that like most humanoids they want to be understood.  They often respond well to sincere interest and kindness.  They’re starving for it.  They don’t get much of it because people are afraid of them.
  • Realize they often need you as much as you need them.  When you are valuable in some way, people will value you.  Funny how that works.  It doesn’t even take much to be valuable these days.  The bar has been set pretty low.  Show up on time.  Be intelligent.  Be polite.  Keep your word.  Best of all, have skills.  The Narc may talk a good game but if you remain calm and set some boundaries with the person, you’d be surprised how reasonable they can be, IF you are provide something valuable to them.  This doesn’t mean you shout at the person saying, “YOU’VE STEPPED OVER MY BOUNDARIES”.  The boundaries are in your mind and when the Narc tells you or asks you to do something that is beyond what you want to do, you just say NO and mean it.  They will probably try to make you feel guilty in which case you say something like, “I’m sorry, I can’t”.  (You’re not REALLY sorry-don’t be! but it sounds better to say sorry).  If they can’t get anywhere with the guilt trip, they may try threatening you, either subtly or directly.  This leads the excellent tool of…
  • Compromise, where you attempt to negotiate for something YOU want from the Narc if you do this thing they want you to do.  It’s best is you have thought out what you want ahead of time.  Sometimes it’s hard to do on the spot.  So strategize some time when you are calm and talk to a friend to get some clarity if you need to.  If this doesn’t work you may have to…
  • Exercise your agency by being willing to walk away from the person or situation.  It’s a well known fact that the strongest person in a negotiation is the one who is most willing to walk away.  I don’t suggest storming out of the room or yelling.  That’s actually weak.  You’ve lost control of your emotions when you do that.  Plus things could escalate to a physical level and you don’t want THAT.  You just KNOW inside that you are willing to walk away and you say NO or STOP when necessary.  This usually requires that you have your life in order (especially if it is a job situation) where you can live without the money for awhile if you get fired or if it is a relationship, that you have other friends.  You don’t need this person and you don’t need their money.  This requires a lot of upfront work but it’s worth it.  No one wants to be a slave with no options.  Minimalism helps a lot.  If you don’t need much, you don’t have to kiss butt.

Hope this helps someone.  Coming soon-No One Can Abuse You Unless You Are Weak Part 3 This post will be about how we can apply (or not) these strategies when dealing with our oppressors.  Mainly Jews.

 

 

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1 thought on “No One Can Abuse You Unless You Are Weak Part 2

  1. Pingback: No One Can Abuse You Unless You’re Weak Part 1 | Aryan Street

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